The J.R.S. #12 - Supermoons, Horse Racing, & Birds
Happy Birthday Big Boi! Your rapping skills may be on point, but let’s not forget the acting chops you displayed in the roller-skating dramatic film, ATL.
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Supermoons
"Zero Butt Cheeks Necessary"
In the wee hours of Wednesday morning, I groggily smashed my alarm clock off and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. It was 5:21 AM and I was waking up to see the "Super Blue Blood Moon" of 2018.
I stumbled out onto the canals and watched my neighbors across the water also exit their house. It was a bit of an awkward standoff, similar to when you make eye contact with someone while driving in a parallel lane; we didn't want to acknowledge one another.
Glancing up at the sky, I felt dumb because I couldn't find the moon. Not just any moon mind you, a freaking Supermoon! That was Blood! Or Blue? Whatever the definition, I wasn't seeing it.
One of the neighbors shouted, "Oh there it is!" and pointed past our tiny cottage and over my left shoulder. Turning around I realized from my point of view, a large four-story house was obscuring my lunar vision.
I stomped back to our house, going through the back door and out into the front (which is an alley), and started gazing toward where I thought the neighbor had pointed. After a few minutes of walking, I finally saw the Super Blue Blood Moon of 2018 peeking out in between two condos.
To my eyeballs, the moon looked like an old penny floating in the sky. I took it in for about half a minute, and then happily went back to my warm bed.
This old penny of a moon got me thinking about Supermoons in general though. Does anyone else feel like they popped into existence in the last half-decade?
Seriously, as a child, or even early into my adult years, I don't recall a single time where the news or some other scientific source discussed Supermoon events. Which leads me to two schools of thought.
A. Supermoons are a PR stunt by the big moon lobby. And I'm all for it. As a child, I spent evenings mimicking Tom Hanks playing Jim Lovell in Apollo 13. I would stare at the moon, close one eye, and place my thumb over it and marvel at the glory of space, and the glory of Tom Hanks.
The space industry has taken a beating in the last few decades, mostly because we've stopped exploring. If I was to run for President, my main campaign platform would be space exploration, and everything else be damned. Maybe the announcement of Supermoons is the space industry's attempt at reminding us to keep looking to the stars.
B. Supermoons are fake. Well, not fake, but astronomers finally decided to let everyone else know about the events that they've been documenting for years. It seems like every Supermoon is the last one for the next 5 decades, so you better see it! By that logic, haven't we been having Supermoons forever? Only now, we've decided to call them super?
The moon has been around. The moon has seen some shit. I like that we're celebrating the moon doing what the moon does - being super at times, and not so super at others.
But we can all agree - Supermoons didn't exist in their current pop-culture form ten years ago. That's fine, but I'd like as a society for all of us to get back to staring at the stars with hope in general, not needing an Instagramable event to remind us we're on a big rock floating in a vast cold and dark vacuum.
Supermoons - 2 out of 5 Stars
Horse Racing
"An Excuse to Wear Big Hats"
Last weekend we attended a birthday party for a friend at the Santa Anita Horse Track, and it was like visiting a place where time stood still.
I don't come from a family of gamblers. We rarely went to Vegas, and up until a few years ago, I had never been to a horse race. This was my second trip to Santa Anita, and unless there's another birthday party, most likely it will be my last.
Horse tracks are a bizarre monument to past eras. From a real estate perspective alone they take up huge swaths of land. Upon driving in I felt like I was in Dodger Stadium, but as I watched car after car zoom by in the huge and empty parking lots, I realized that this is what happens to stadiums once they fall out of favor. They become more known for their open asphalt than their activities.
The birthday party was in the middle of the track, and we had to sojourn through a cold and wide tunnel under the sand and hooves to reach our oval island. The middle of the track had lots of activities for families, so one could gamble and be a good parent. There was the playground, the picnic area, the bar, and the row upon row of shuttered betting windows, where children can learn basic odds.
For this Sunday adventure, I decided to table any moral or ethical qualms I had about animals racing for sport. I'm indifferent to horses (although I would like to eat horse meat at one point in my life, just to see what a Dothraki feels like), but I think I would balk at going to a dog-racing track.
Once we decided to lean into the act of betting on a horse, our true education began. The birthday party fluctuated in size, but our collective excitement and spirit were gargantuan. This was a party attended by men and women of various professions, but an outsider would consider all hipsters. We had more film cameras than digital for example.
Of course in our cadre, there was one gentleman who was "the guy" when it came to horse betting. He explained the odds system, the way to place bets, and the different options one could choose from. Armed with our knowledge, and a passion for a horse named "Tiny Tina", my girlfriend and I approached one of the two open betting booths.
Even the language at a racetrack is mystifying. The HBO show "Luck" was filmed at Santa Anita, and tried its best to capture the comings and goings of a professional racetrack. Ultimately it failed due to being stuck in the quagmire of insider horse racing language, shutting any viewer out who wasn't raised with a betting book in their crib.
The act of placing a bet feels anachronistic - you look at a cracked and aged ticket taker, speak the magical formula "$2 to Win or Place on Horse Number 4", pay, and receive a tiny scrap of paper that notes your guess.
Then you wait for the horns.
The famous racing horns are still used to mark the start of each race, and they do cause a shot of adrenaline to anyone who has money on a horse. From our spot in the middle of the island, we had to run up to a fence that blocked us from the track, standing on chairs to get the best view.
As a group, we all made excursions to the fence to cheer on each race, many of us having placed bets on the same horse, so while I felt bad for these glorious animals running for our pleasure, the thrill of being caught up in the moment, screaming "GO TINY TINA GO" overrode any guilt.
The horses thunder by and then in an instant, the race is over. Not many of us understood the stadium layout, but someone would shout the winners eventually.
Tiny Tina was a winner - my $4 resulted in $17. We stayed for a few more races and then began the long drive home. As I merged onto the freeway, I heard the racing horns play in the back of my mind, and I stepped on the gas.
Horse Racing - 3 out of 5 Stars
Birds
"Unrelated to Ornithology"
About three months ago, Birds started showing up in our neighborhood.
They appeared in flocks, resting on street corners, their black and white colors sitting at ease, waiting for a passerby to impress. You would hear them chirping on the boardwalk as they sped by, and immediately I was intrigued.
These Birds aren't the types with wings, nor do they fly (they zoom around at a pleasant top speed of 15 miles per hour). Birds are electric scooters that were recently launched in Santa Monica by a start-up headed by an ex VP of Uber, so it's safe to say that they know the transportation sharing market.
Operating a Bird is charmingly simple. Download the Bird app, and you'll be presented with a map of where you are, and you'll be able to see if any Birds are in your area. If so, all you need to do is walk up to them, point your phone at the center handlebars and match up the QR code (Side note, holy shit someone actually figured a use for QR codes!), and the Bird unlocks with a friendly beep.
Each Bird has an electric battery, and I've yet to have one die on me. However, I don't make long trips on them - they're basically electric Razor scooters, so I plan accordingly. The best part of Birding is that once you're done with the scooter, you just finish the ride on your app and leave the Bird on the side of the street.
No hassle trying to find parking, no worrying about locking it up. Transaction over, ride complete.
Speaking of theft, each Bird has a GPS signal, so presumably, they don't get stolen. I would love to write a comical noir with the main character being a fast-talking, hard-drinking, Bird repatriater.
I know, they sound super goofy. That's what I thought. Then I rode one, and I found it ridiculously fun. Not only that, they make me rethink my strategy on short trips. If I need to meet someone in Santa Monica, I'll actively arrange to meet in a place where I can Bird.
In terms of price, I think we're in the golden age. It's $1 to activate a Bird and something like 15 cents a minute after that. A friend of mine commented, "No matter how far you go, it's always five dollars. It's great."
I'm inclined to agree.
Birds have become more and more of an accepted sight all throughout Santa Monica and Venice. I see tourist families scooting next to startup bros, next to smiling teenagers who are doubled up on one Bird.
Their business model perplexes me because the initial costs to launch in a new city must be astronomical. During the day, you can sign up to have your place be a Bird "Nest" to charge unused Birds, but even so, each night, Bird employees have to drive all across the city and pick up discarded scooters.
They could be semi-revolutionary in specific cities. They wouldn't make it in New York or San Francisco - too chaotic and too hilly respectively. However, I could see great adoption of Birds in a city like D.C. or in the downtown portion of Austin.
It's exciting to see someone taking an innovative approach to short distance transportation. I don't really have a hot-take on Birds. I just think they're fun and neat. Also, I spend a lot of time thinking how much their Instagram handle (@bird) must have cost them.
On an unrelated note, we're passionate Ornithologists in our little canal house. I'm proud to admit that our 2018 calendar is from the Cornell Bird Society, and every month we're treated to a professional photo of a bird, as well as interesting facts.
In the words of Gandalf, "Fly you fools!"
Birds - 4 out of 5 Stars
That's a full lid on this version of The J.R.S! Thank you so much for gracing me with your eyes. Don’t hesitate to telegram me at JRSdiaries@gmail.com and let me know your thoughts, opinions, or sure thing horse bets. Like most wedding DJs, I do take review requests.
Love you. Miss you!
Joey